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yantra

YANTRA

It is not is
It is not was
And neither
Is it will be.
A thrum throughout.
Wrapped, webbed, unstruck.
Root note casting out
Harmonic creation
That we are.
One chord excluding nothing;
One name with all sounds;
All faces, all gestures,
All wonderings,
All worlds.
Whatever sound you choose,
That is it.
Whatever name,
That is it.
Whatever explanation,
That is it.
Whatever denial,
That is it.
Her tongue
Wrapped around your tongue.
Her eyes
Through your mirrored eyes.
Of no form,
With no preference,
An orifice of taste,
A groan of delight.

Such slidings

SUCH SLIDINGS

Such things (percepts, perceptions) often flow by us unnoticed. Our primary influences, the objects that create us into a subject….

It still happens regularly.
Listening now to an old song I knew then, the words, so familiar, intergrown as barbed wire into a tree, unpeel in clarity and reveal completely new words, new meanings. Of course that is what the lyrics are, clear, logical, making sense, making story. So why the mishearing for so long? We mis-hear more , much more than we mis-see. We misconceive more than each of these-(the bending of light to catch the whole within the goldfish bowl of brain).

Words never were single things but woven strings of shining diaphenous vapours. Put sound to lined squiggle, equations of broken down breath, equally spaced, segregated, punctuated, coralled, from left to right, or right to left, or down, or up. Do that and will ambiguity cease?

The brain knows the undercurrents within its own tides, knows it bitter contradictions, straitjacketed by moral aughts and whips of coulds. Knows that what it chooses for the tongue is equivocal, mean, one flavour in a banquet ( food fight) of possible stances. The wardrobe is endless, the dresses magnificent, the masks tempting, the shoes to walk in, the boots, the sandals of this and that. What pose to strike, what cajoling, what convincing? How shall it be constrained to a point of view, a consistency?

So, and so, we read, consider. But they are others’ words in our own familiar voice. We doubt their simple surfaces, look for fissures to rip apart the art, to find the puppeteer, the hypnotic svengali, the foundations, the gold down in the creaking shafts of tunnelled darkness. Kobolds, nockins, gnomes. And they are truly there, those monsters. It is their world of excavations and spiralling, dark distances. Intracellular, interspecies, interstellar, wormholes of digested matter shaped to uphold its own existence. In that land it is we are the monsters: the pale, limp-wristed aliens, senseless interogators of the obvious, denying the purity of paradox, the meat of merged matter.

It was the plants that first learned to talk. Chemical drifts on the wind. Songs of molecules calling and exchanging. They then taught what they knew, o my beloved, to the threaded fungi who fed and serviced the needs of root and sun-eating leaf. Those bright, sympathetic neurones of soil-brain, why, they, of course, my child, spoke to us as we possessed them, they becoming our tongues as we digested their matter, their material, their meaning. The verse of the world, we, the hired orchestra at the banquet of life, and the jugglers, fools and jesters, too ( polite ripple of leaves, green, amused applause for their ingenuous progeny).

Fenris wolf bound with a thread of whisper. That which is not, finally constraining the bluster and sharp teeth, snapping jaws of what is. This nonsense I would carve on a cliff-face to last millenia of sun and frost. This effusion I would slow and temper with gold leaf and lapis lazuli, carefully ground,carefully apportioned. A crushed ink of beetles, oak gall and vinegar, black and holy, to flow from a feather – the required spell to make a flow, a light touch, winged words. There, then, a clear delight of hand and mind, set down, illuminated. Inhabited script. Inhabited scrolls. Vegetative, rampant, loving itself, emergent mind.

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CHERISHING THE LONESOME

How is it that some songs come to fill us, define us, sum it all up, whilst others do not hold any heart for us? This morning the lines rose up ( snow frazen on the roof, a still day, cold, settled), of themselves, dragging their constellated nets of memory and feeling.

Do we become shaped by them or do they so perfectly will what we are so as to become part of us, entirely? History and identity coming down to radio songs and the secret shared discoveries of this voice or that voice, this tune, these words, these crashing chords. A selection of identities by sound. Naked pathways, already becoming set, though still unnamed, an internal hollowing out of clay, a sculpting of attitudes, an adoption of stance and gesture, a constant attempt to find the heart of a secret name, a true name that can only be found on the tip of the tongue, the back of the brain, perhaps the soul, perhaps the first link, the line of memory: I am this. This I am.

The way we choose to lie in sleep. The ways we choose. A confederation of paradox, a constellation of time-worn sink-holes, (the familar caves echoing, passages dark and shadows distorting, amplifying trains of thought). This name we have, this shape, this song, so deeply owned it has absorbed, coloured, flavoured all else. They have become us because they were the same as us. Their dance, our dance. Their view, our view. It is not complicated. It is not important. ( the spider web at the window is important. The way the cloud layers pink then blue is important. The echoing crow calling from the ash tree is important).

This ripple of words, digging and sifting, this song, the chorus, this artfulness, is a spinning within silence. A constant attempt to turn and turn, to see one’s own back. Slapstick ( it’s behind you), and it will always be behind you, spine holding everything up, unseen, a coathanger for tomorrow.

Mirror words

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Mirror words
(As are
All words)
Reflection
Of movement
Within silence.
Feeling shapes
Mimicked
By mouth
Borne
Outward
On breath.
Soft
(or hard)
Explosion
Into
Meaning
Within
Other minds.
Spontaneous
Blossoming
Of pictures,
Coalescing
Inner light.
Their fruit:
Other words,
Other pictures.

Like light
(perhaps)
From the outside
All appears
Bright and colour,
Whilst residing
Inside is
Darkness
And silence.
Where edge
Meets edge
(the silvered
Surface)
All appears
Perfect, clear-
Though it is a
Reversed world
One that can never
Be seen
Except
In reflection.

When is a
Mirror
Empty?
When it is not
A mirror.

Silent gesture
Shrug
Distant thunder.
In the forest
Falling tree
Mimics
The way
Of Heaven.

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STREAMS, RIPPLED MORNING.

Words rolled smooth with time,
A singing pebble bed rippling this stream.

King and queen of fishers flash and dive,
(would I were so sure finding silver
Below sparkling surface,
Sun-bright in the morning).
Bright-bibbed, the dipper stalks dark waters,
The warbler hidden in the wood.

Heron statues,
Tree of patience,
Colour of a rainy dawn.

The world is eyes and voices,
A welter of revealing.

Chambered and vaulted is my heart:
The green, templed valleys of Dyfed.
Deep echoing, oak-shaded,
Falling by hour, by day, down
To the slow slopes of sand,
The crumbling cliffs,
The roaring seas from elsewhere
(the fall of distance, horizon’s gleam).

That deep terrain, the stark geology
Of tale and history,
Directs the tumble downwards,
The notes, even, of the song,
Outliving lives,
Covered and uncovered,
Season by season
Prescribing the curve and flow.

I would not be at Connla’s Well
Out in the far West
Where black poison drips
To that bitter pool below.
I would be here beside the purple alders,
Their grave hanging heads
Companionable as bright Bran,
His honey laughter
Healing the horror of interminable loss.
Both true, though, those streams,
So intermingling, roped, woven,
A salmon’s view bent to a circle,
The world of edges and endings.

I have found a small pebble,
Cool and perfect in itself,
A remnant of sky-reaching mountains,
Child of avalanche and ice grinding centuries.
And have let it drop
Watching ripples dance outwards.
It is nothing,
But it is something.
A small pool easing thirst,
A little rest from bleak winds,
A moment reflected,
A place to start from.

——

( the first line ‘words rolled smooth with time’ popped unbidden into my thoughts this morning, setting off ripples of imagery, memory and reflection. Dyfed is the old name for Pembrokeshire in the south west of Wales. Many of the tales of the Mabinogion are set there – though the bones of this piece are more to do with the nature of language than with location in time and space).

AND I DON’T KNOW IT

I would prefer,
So as not to cause offence,
Nor to sit on one,
To be thought
A wonderer,
A wanderer in wonder.
A wondering, a thundering,
A sundering.
A carver of,
A catcher of thought.
Poet,
A nasty word,
A little po-faced word.
Bard is resonant
And hard or soft,
A yearning, longing strength,
But smacks of nostalgia
And trying too hard.
I wander,
I wonder,
I scribble
And weigh words
With meaning.
A wandering mind.
A mind that wonders
And wanders,
Sometimes thrums
And thunders.
A shape in space
For sound
To form in.

Balm

BALM

I shall cool my mind
Upon the low golden moon

I shall drain my habitual sorrow
Letting it flow earthwards
And rest.

Rounded quietness
The clear roof
Of a star-filled night.

Everything is as it is.
Everything is moving
Towards
A dancing of its own nature.

Sleep and dream and waking,
The blink of day and night-
Vibrations on the rim of
Creation’s bowl.

The rippled liquid,
Concentric pools,
An eye-blink.
Breath from the wing
Of a passing owl.
Polish the mirror,
Breath and sleep.

Frost at dawn
And the new lamb’s
Thin cry.
In the dead elm
Two magpies
Are building a nest,
Ivy clad, bejewelled.

As long as it can
Life will fill
All voids,
Dancing heedless
Over the precipice
Of time,
Disregarding limits,
Floating
As if it were
A garland, a light,
Set adrift
As a blessing
As an asking
Upon one great river
Sedate, curving slow,
Seawards.

A roar of voices

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A ROAR OF VOICE ( edge of apparition)

Here it is
Here it is again
The ocean’s rush and roar
A world voicing, praising,
Cursing, keening
An endlessness of salt,
Sweet and bitter.

Rushing in from the single
Blue link to forever,
Illusory horizon, false edge.

They rush in:
Exalting waves,
Then comes the gravel undertow
Pulling ribboned grief back,
The harsh grain and the smooth grain
Rolling endless in the noise of it.
The augmentation, the echoing roar.
Endless is the diminishing,
The withdrawal of hope
Dissipating memory
Negating victory,
The slop,
The soaking away.

A cold white voice
Bleak on air
Hunger of the gull.
I croak and roar
A black god low on the face
Of the deep,
Cormorant shadow silent
Skimming rise and fall
Voice of centuries
My food
My food.

Tiresome
The endlessness of it,
Remorseless the repetition.
There is a vision, a dream
Of rockpools crystal still,
Small jewels rock held, safe.
Bashed, swept up in a new tide
Moon-pulled
Star-quenched
Tumbled and forgotten
Whispers, wraiths, sand-casts
Footprints.
The thin water’s return,
Small waters to a foam bed.

Upon my ears, my breath,
My blood, a voice
In perpetuity,
A bubbled spume, a seed,
A generation.
Its name:
The ocean, the sea,
Is remembering.
Its name
Is forgetting.

A sand of salt, skin salt
Eyes salt, pulled and pummelled
A sway of green weed
Locked to rock
Dreaming silver shoals
And an opening of sound,
Out.

Meaning found
Retained.
No one yet has built on such,
An ocean where lasting is long,
A dreaming forever.
For coral cities are sand,
Mountains, ground.

Sift heart water
Harmless as light
Polishing, melting
Wearing away with song.
Oceanic dreamings
Oceanic wakings.
Subsiding
With noise
World’s
Sleeping
Easy
Breath.

*

( ocean roar: one’s own mind audience, even if quiet, the world’s onrushing rumble bears down.
Never between, never shore-locked, never apart from, swept tumbling, hiss and thud, white noise.
Waveform, signs, sines, spirals. A word in your shell-like……)

*

NIght Calligraphies

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Working towards some text-art pieces for the “Great Night” project, I began playing around on the iPad ( the app was Zen Brush). Its a delightful tactile process and the text was not much consciously filtered in any usual way. Semi-automatic writing, I could say. Not quite as calligraphic as I would like, more spider scribble! Translations follow ( before I forget and can’t read my own scrawl)…

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1
Within the darkness
Within the walls of night
Jailor stars, spyglass planets,
The wild things lap and strut
Lines of thought dissolving
In manic, fearful laughter.

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2
The long trident of night
Tree-reached
Forward spontaneous deliver
No more the …..
No more the light.
A shimmer, a shade,
A will of the world,
A whiteness.

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3
Some
Some
The weave says
The way, the deep says,
Yea or nay,
Gainsay it will not prosper
If it has
No inherent breath.

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4
Away-
The slow soft
Words
These anchors
Of shrift –
A vocabulary
Of light
Awaits:
Reveal the
Door.

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5
Dissolve you
Dark lines,
Darker lens.
O, obsidian eyes
Deep set,
Your own soul
Would hardly
Recognise you.

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6
Lined,
Linked
Do not cackle
Lolly-tongued
Dishevelled one
Dark, bloody lips
Deepest urged
Destroyer,
Eater of night.

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7
This slow
Drawn out means,
Lost in lines,
Time wept
Scribble sounds,
Not gathered
Nor pooled-
Hard to distinguish:
A drain descent
Of echoes,
A distance of deceived
Ghosts,
Night stippling.

What is lost when it is not hand-written? Even when hard to read, it conveys to some part of us more of the intent, the hunt for words, the fight upwards into air. Illuminated by illuminated manuscript, time and care laid down for all time, a voyager of parchment and mind-matter across ocean centuries. What could be more enchanted, the mind of one millenia dead, born egged safe in new skull, scratch of quill, cockcrow and vespers…..

One Wish, One Blessing

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ONE WISH, ONE BLESSING

If there were one wish offered
Then it would be this,
And if the power I had
To bless were certain,
This would it be also:
To die happy.

A simple thing,
A strange reminding
Of ends and farewells,
But think:

A happy death.
No fear nor overshadowing,
Free from uncertain doubt,
No buried regret, no guilt,
No aching yearning,
Nothing unresolved,
Nothing left undone.
Complete, completed, content.
Relaxed, ready, rested
To stay or move on.

A simple thing
So few have found.
It cannot be taught,
It cannot be contrived,
It cannot be hesitant.
One moment
Never to be missed.
Inevitable, certain,
Nothing more owned,
That fracturing of thought,
That clarity so long put off,
End of all tomorrows.

I would wish you
A happy death.
May we all be blessed
A happy death.

A life filled
And glorious,
Radiant
With all emotion.
Tasted, consumed,
A banquet
Sharp and honey-sweet.
Poised,
Skilled,
Generous and gentle.
Worn well
But lightly,
Not hoarded nor wasted.

Loved, lived, left.
Nothing else
Would so suit
A perfect world,
As this is,
But to do so.
A wish.
A blessing.
Die happy.

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